How I Became an LGBTQ+ Children’s Book Author

LGBTQ+ Children’s Book Uncles

I never intended to write about the things I do.  It is funny how life can throw what you think is a curveball and later, looking back you see it was the only path you were meant to take.  Hence my newest book, Uncles! 

 I’m happy to share my relationship with the LGBTQ+ community if you care to read.

 I remember clearly when I decided to insert things like … “when your husband (or wife, you know it doesn’t matter)…” into conversations with my children about their future.  I did this very intentionally.  It all started when I was reading a random article about teenage suicide.  While I can’t recall the specifics, I do remember the sickening feeling as I read that a high percentage were gay and lesbian.  Likely way higher than we would ever know based on societal shame.  My only goal then was, not MY child!  Not on MY watch!  They would never feel they had to live their entire life as a lie and be miserable or be so scared to live authentically that the thought of suicide would even cross their mind.  Problem solved, right?  

 Let’s fast forward quite a few years, my kids are young adults, all is well.  I took a fun little road trip with my good friend, Deb (everyone needs a Deb in their life!).  We unfortunately found ourselves in Washington D.C. during the partial government shutdown of 2013.  Turns out there’s a lot of government going on in that area!  We had tickets to the Ford’s Theater, where Lincoln was shot. The theater was part of the shutdown.  We didn’t even know what the play was to be about, we were only there for the theater.  A nearby church decided to let the performance continue and ticket holders could choose between that or a refund.  To the people who chose the refund, BIG MISTAKE!  That was a profound life-changing experience, due in part to having not much more than a table and chair as stage props, yet somehow the cast delivered a performance that to this day chills me.  Also, we were graced by the presence of Dennis Shepard, the father of Matthew Shepard, It was his first time seeing the play.  Also, it was the 15th anniversary of his son’s brutal torture and eventual death.  For those who don’t know, the play is based on the aftermath of Matthew Shepard’s murder in the small town of Laramie, WY.  If you are unaware of the details, look it up, it’s gut-wrenching and will leave you in a puddle.

 I want to add this tragic murder was a catalyst for the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act. This is what brought sexual orientation, gender identity, and disability into the federal protection class. Matthew’s parents, Dennis and Judy Shepard, along with his brother Logan, channeled their grief into creating a positive change in countless lives, serving as a reminder that if more of us followed their example, our world would undoubtedly experience profound transformations for the better.

Fast forward even more. My youngest, my precious last baby boy, all grown up, texted that he had met someone. “Does this person have a name?”  I asked.  “Kurt.”  I didn’t even know my own son was gay. On my dedication page, I have an illustration of us made from a photo. It’s me, all oblivious, and him obviously gay. I smile every time I see it.  I hope he never for a second felt shame in coming out.  I hope that the way his dad and I talked about things like this, while indirect, gave him the confidence to know who he is, not who someone else thinks he should be.  Bravo to you, my son!

  I feel compelled to add my own feelings about my son coming out.

First:  No one really prepares a parent for this.  I hope I at least paved the way so that (bare minimum) my children wouldn’t feel suicidal or less than simply because of who they are.

 Second:  I was terrified!  Terrified he would be treated in a shunning manner or far worse, beaten, tied to a fence in freezing temps with little clothing, and left for dead for days, only to die later.  My heart was heavy with those thoughts for some time. Thoughts of what Matthew endured would randomly fill me with terror that it could also happen to my son.  How families live through this is unfathomable!

Third: We, as parents do have visions of what we want for our children. For me, it was happiness through the path of least resistance.  I had visions of all my children’s futures, and it included a heterosexual happy marriage.  Even though I would say, “wife… or husband, you know it doesn’t matter…”.  I didn’t take that a step further and give myself the vision they could be anything they wanted. That was my comfort zone projected onto them, and to be honest, there was no comfort in that life for me anyway, it’s only what I was taught.  I needed to realize that he may be treated unfairly and may even be harmed.  That’s out of my control. I’m so happy and proud he is living his authentic life to the fullest.

So, to tie things up.  My son is married, happy, and waiting for adoption now.  When we were preparing for the wedding a few years ago, I noticed my granddaughter’s first impressions of same-sex marriage.  I turned it into a fictional children’s book to hopefully spark conversations of acceptance and empathy for the generations to come. I could not be more proud of this book. It’s a tribute to my son.  It’s honoring those innocent questioning minds, spoon-feeding curiosity, compassion, and acceptance. The world is changing drastically.  If we ever are to live in harmony, it will take generations.  I believe the answer is to focus on the mind of a child. One child and every child, this is how hate started, in my opinion, and it’s how it must end.

 I couldn’t imagine I would be writing children’s books about the subjects I do.  But now, looking back, it’s the only path I was meant to take.